Next Door Neighbours: A Comedy; In Three Acts
Author: Mrs. Inchbald; Néricault Destouches; Louis-Sébastien Mercier
Date: 2012-02-04T00:00:00+00:00
Keywords: English drama (Comedy)

The Project Gutenberg eBook of Next Door Neighbours: A Comedy; In Three Acts

This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

Title: Next Door Neighbours: A Comedy; In Three Acts

Author: Mrs. Inchbald

Néricault Destouches

Louis-Sébastien Mercier

Release date: February 4, 2012 [eBook #38759]

Language: English

Credits: Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed
Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOURS: A COMEDY; IN THREE ACTS ***

NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOURS;

A COMEDY;

I N

THREE ACTS.

FROM THE

French Dramas L'Indigent & Le Dissipateur.

AS PERFORMED AT THE

THEATRE-ROYAL, HAY-MARKET.

BY

MRS. INCHBALD.

LONDON:

Printed for G. G. J. and J. Robinson,
Pater-noster-Row.

M,DCC,XCI.

PROLOGUE,

By T. VAUGHAN, Esq.

SPOKEN BY MR. BANNISTER, JUN.

To Puff, or not to Puff—that is the Question—
Puff by all means, say I, it helps digestion.
To prove my maxim true, pray read the Papers—
From Quacks of State, to those who cure the Vapours.

You'll find them, one and all, puff high their skill,
Tho' nine in ten, are oft'ner found to kill.—
Yet Puff's the word, which gives at least a name,
And oftener gains the undeserving Fame:
Or wherefore read we of Lord Fanny's Taste,
Of me—an Actor—wonderfully chaste!
And yet so squeamish is our Lady elf,
She'd rather die—than paragraph herself;
So fix'd on me—the Prologue speaking Hack,
To stop, with Puff-direct, the Critic Pack,

Who yelp, and foaming, bark from morn to night, | }
And when run hard—turn tail—then snap and bite;
Putting the timid Hare-like-Bard to flight.
To such, the best and only Puff to hit, | }
Is that which honest Candour must admit,
A Female Scribbler is an harmless Wit;

And who so harmless as our present Bard,
Claiming no greater or distinct reward,
Than what from free Translation is her due,
Which here in fullest trust she leaves to you:
With this remark—Who own their Debts with pride,
Are well entitled to the Credit Side.
And as for those with whom she makes so free
They'll ne'er complain of English Liberty;
But glory to behold their Tinsel shine,
Through the rich Bullion of the English Line.

Fear then avaunt! Trust to a British Jury—
With them, an honest Verdict I'll ensure you:
Let Echo catch the sound—'Tis Pratte [1] enacts,
You're Judges of the Law, as well as Facts.
On this she rests her Cause, and hopes to find,
As Friends, and Next Door Neighbours, you'll be kind;
At least, this only punishment ensue,
A Frown—and that's severe enough, from you.

Thus puff'd—I freely to the Court commit her,
Not doubting, as a Woman, you'll acquit her—

And now join issue, Sirs, without delay— | }
Judging from written Evidence our Play,
And—send her a good Deliverance, I pray.

1 Vide, Earl Camden's celebrated and Constitutional Speech and
Opinion on the subject of Libels.

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ

MEN.
Sir George Splendorville | Mr. Palmer.
Mr. Manly | Mr. Kemble.
Mr. Blackman | Mr. Baddeley.
Mr. Lucre | Mr. R. Palmer.
Lord Hazard | Mr. Evatt.
Willford | Mr. Aickin.
Henry | Mr. Palmer, Jun.
Bluntly | Mr. Bannister, Jun.
WOMEN.
Lady Caroline Seymour | Mrs. Brooks.
Lady Bridget Squander | Miss Heard.
Evans | Mrs. Edwards.
Eleanor | Mrs. Kemble.
Other Ladies, Gentlemen, Servants, &c.
SCENE——London.

NEXT  DOOR  NEIGHBOURS.

A COMEDY.

ACT I.

SCENE I.   An Antichamber at Sir George
Splendorville's, adjoining a Ball-room.

Enter Bluntly, meeting a Servant in Livery.

BLUNTLY.

Come, come, is not every thing ready?
Is not the ball-room prepared yet? It is
past ten o'clock.

SERVANT.

We have only to fix up the new chandelier.

BLUNTLY.

I'll have no new chandelier.

SERVANT.

My master said the last ball he gave, the company
were in the dark.

BLUNTLY.

And if you blind them with too much light,
they will be in the dark still.

SERVANT.

The musicians, sir, wish for some wine.

BLUNTLY.

What, before the ball begins? No, tell them
if they are tipsy at the end of it, it will be quite
soon enough.

SERVANT.

You are always so cross, Mr. Bluntly, when
my master is going to have company.

BLUNTLY.

Have not I a right to be cross? For while
the whole house is in good humour, if there was
not one person cross enough to take a little care,
every thing would be wasted and ruined through
extreme good temper. (A man crosses the stage.)
Here, you—Mister——Pray are you the person
who was sent with the chandelier?

SHOPMAN.

Yes, sir.

BLUNTLY.

Then please to take it back again—We don't
want it.

SHOPMAN.

What is your objection to it, sir?

BLUNTLY.

It will cost too much.

SHOPMAN.

Mr. Bluntly, all the trades-people are more
frightened at you than at your master.—Sir
George, Heaven bless him! never cares how
much a thing costs.

BLUNTLY.

That is, because he never cares whether he
pays for it or not——but if he did, depend
upon it he would be very particular. Tradesmen
all wish to be paid for their ware, don't
they?

SHOPMAN.

Certainly, sir.

BLUNTLY.

Then why will they force so many unnecessary
things, and make so many extravagant
charges as to put all power of payment out of
the question?

Enter Evans:——The Tradesman goes off at the
opposite Door.

BLUNTLY.

How do you do, Mrs. Evans? [Sullenly.

EVANS.

What makes you sigh, Mr. Bluntly?

BLUNTLY.

What makes you smile?

EVANS.

To see all the grand preparations for the ball
this evening. I anticipate the joy my lady will
take here, and I smile for her.

BLUNTLY.

And I sigh for my master.—I foresee all the
bills that will be brought in, for this evening's
expence, and I anticipate the sorrow it will one
day be to him.

EVANS.

But consider, Mr. Bluntly, your master has
my lady's fortune to take.

BLUNTLY.

Yes, but I consider he has your lady to take
along with it; and I prophecy one will stick by
him some time after the other is gone.

EVANS.

For shame.—My lady, I have no doubt, will
soon cure Sir George of his extravagance.

BLUNTLY.

It will then be by taking away the means.—
Why, Lady Caroline is as extravagant as himself.

EVANS.

You are mistaken.—She never gives routs,
masquerades, balls, or entertainments of any
kind.

BLUNTLY.

But she constantly goes to them whenever she
is invited.

EVANS.

That, I call but a slight imprudence.—She
has no wasteful indiscretions like Sir George.
For instance, she never makes a lavish present.

BLUNTLY.

No, but she takes a lavish present, as readily
as if she did.

EVANS.

And surely you cannot call that imprudence?

BLUNTLY.

No, I call it something worse.

EVANS.

Then, although she loves gaming to distraction,
and plays deep, yet she never loses.

BLUNTLY.

No, but she always wins—and that I call
something worse.

[A loud rapping at the street-door.
EVANS.

Here's the company. Will you permit me,
Mr. Bluntly, to stand in one corner, and have a
peep at them?

BLUNTLY.

If you please. (Rapping again.) What spirit
there is in that, Rat, tat, tat, tat.—And what
life, frolic, and joy, the whole house is going to
experience except myself. As for me, I am
ready to cry at the thoughts of it all.

[Exit.
Enter Lady Caroline.
LADY CAROLINE.

Here, the first of the company. I am sorry
for it. (Evans comes forward.) Evans, what
has brought you hither?

EVANS.

I came, my lady, to see the preparations making
on your account—for it is upon your account
alone, that Sir George gives this grand fête.

LADY CAROLINE.

Why, I do flatter myself it is.—But where
is he? What is it o'clock?—It was impossible to
stay at the stupid opera.—How do I look? I
once did intend to wear those set of diamonds
Sir George presented me with the other morning
—but then, I reflected again, that if——

EVANS.

Ah, my lady, what a charming thing to have
such a lover—Sir George prevents every wish—
he must make the best of husbands.

LADY CAROLINE.

And yet my father wishes to break off the
marriage—he talks of his prodigality—and, certainly,
Sir George lives above his income.

EVANS.

But then, Madam, so does every body else.

LADY CAROLINE.

But Sir George ought undoubtedly to change
his conduct, and not be thus continually giving
balls and entertainments—and inviting to his
table acquaintance, that not only come to devour
his dinners and suppers, but him.

EVANS.

And there are people malicious enough to
call your ladyship one of his devourers too.

LADY CAROLINE.

As a treaty of marriage is so nearly concluded
between us, I think, Mrs. Evans, I am at liberty
to visit Sir George, or to receive his presents, without
having my character, or my delicacy called
in question. (A loud rapping.) The company
are coming: is it not strange he is not here to
receive them.

[Exit Evans.

Enter two Ladies and a Gentleman, who curtsy and
bow to Lady Caroline.—Sir George enters
at the opposite door, magnificently dressed.

SIR GEORGE.

Ladies, I entreat your pardon; dear Lady
Caroline excuse me. I have been in the country
all the morning, and have had scarce time to
return to town and dress for your reception.

[Another rapping.

Enter Mr. Lucre, Lord Hazard, Lady
Bridget Squander, &c.

SIR GEORGE.

Dear Lucre, I am glad to see you.

MR. LUCRE.

My dear Sir George, I had above ten engagements
this evening, but they all gave place to
your invitation.

SIR GEORGE.

Thank you.—My dear Lady Bridget—

LADY BRIDGET.

It is impossible to resist an invitation from the
most polished man alive. (Sir George bows.)
What a superb dress! (in his hearing, as he turns
away) and what an elegant deportment.

MR. LUCRE.
[After speaking apart with Sir George.

No, I am not in a state to take any part at
Pharo—I am ruin'd.—Would you believe it
Sir George, I am not worth a farthing in the
world.

SIR GEORGE.

Yes, I believed it long ago.

MR. LUCRE.

Now we are on that subject—could you lend
me a hundred pounds?

SIR GEORGE.
[Taking out his pocket-book.

I have about me, only this bill for two hundred.

MR. LUCRE.

That will do as well—I am not circumstantial.
(Takes it.) And my dear Sir George command
my purse at any time—all it contains, will ever
be at your service.

SIR GEORGE.

I thank you.

MR. LUCRE.

Nay, though I have no money of my own,
yet you know I can always raise friends—and by
heaven! my dear Sir George, I often wish to see
you reduced to my circumstances, merely to
prove how much I could, and would, do to serve
you.

SIR GEORGE.

I sincerely thank you.

MR. LUCRE.

And one can better ask a favour for one's
friend than for one's-self, you know: for
when one wants to borrow money on one's own
account, there are so many little delicacies to
get the better of—such as I felt just now.—I was
as pale as death, I dare say, when I asked you
for this money—did not you perceive I was?

SIR GEORGE.

I can't say I did.

MR. LUCRE.

But you must have observed I hesitated, and
looked very foolish.

SIR GEORGE.

I thought for my part, that I looked as foolish.
—But I hope I did not hesitate.

MR. LUCRE.

Nor ever will, when a friend applys to you,
I'll answer for it—Nor ever shall a friend hesitate
when you apply.

LORD HAZARD.
[Taking Sir George aside.

The obligations I am under to you for extricating
me from that dangerous business—

SIR GEORGE.

Never name it.

LORD HAZARD.

Not only name it, Sir George, but shortly I
hope to return the kindness; and, if I do but
live——

SIR GEORGE.
[To the company.

Permit me to conduct you to the next apartment.

LADY CAROLINE.

Most willingly, Sir George. I was the first
who arrived; which proves my eagerness to
dance.

SIR GEORGE.
[Aside to her.

But let me hope, passion for dancing was not
the only one, that caused your impatience.

[As the company move towards the ball-room,
Mr. Lucre and Lord Hazard come
forward.

MR. LUCRE.

Oh! there never was such a man in the world
as the master of this house; there never was
such a friendly, generous, noble heart; he has
the best heart in the world, and the best taste
in dress.

[The company Exeunt, and the music is heard
to begin.

SCENE II.   An Apartment, which denotes
the Poverty of the Inhabitants. Henry
and Eleanor discovered.

ELEANOR.

It is very late and very cold too, brother;
and yet we have neither of us heart to bid each
other good night.

HENRY.

No—beds were made for rest.

ELEANOR.

And that noise of carriages and link-boys at
Sir George Splendorville's, next door, would keep
us awake, if our sorrows did not.

HENRY.

The poor have still more to complain of,
when chance throws them thus near the rich,—it
forces upon their minds a comparison might
drive them to despair, if—

ELEANOR.

—If they should not have good sense enough
to reflect, that all this bustle and show of pleasure,
may fall very short of happiness; as all the
distress we feel, has not yet, thank Heaven, reached
to misery.

HENRY.

What do you call it then?

ELEANOR.

A trial; sent to make us patient.

HENRY.

It may make you so, but cannot me. Good
morning to you.

[Going.
ELEANOR.

Nay, it is night yet. Where are you going?

HENRY.

I don't know.—To take a walk.—The streets
are not more uncomfortable than this place, and
scarcely colder.

ELEANOR.

Oh, my dear brother! I cannot express half
the uneasiness I feel when you part from me,
though but for the shortest space.

HENRY.

Why?

ELEANOR.

Because I know your temper; you are impatient
under adversity; you rashly think providence
is unkind; and you would snatch those
favours, which are only valuable when bestowed.

HENRY.

What do you mean?

ELEANOR.

Nay, do not be angry; but every time you
go out into this tempting town, where superfluous
riches continually meet the eye of the poor,
I tremble lest you should forfeit your honesty
for that, which Heaven decreed should not belong
to you.

HENRY.

And if I did, you would despise and desert
me?

ELEANOR.

No: not desert you; for I am convinced you
would only take, to bring to me; but this is to
assure you, I do not want for any thing.

HENRY.

Not want?—Nor does my father?

ELEANOR.

Scarcely, while we visit him. Every time he
sees us we make him happy; but he would never
behold us again if we behaved unworthy of him.

HENRY.

What! banish us from a prison?

ELEANOR.

And although it is a prison, you could not
be happy under such a restriction.

HENRY.

Happy!—When was I happy last?

ELEANOR.

Yesterday, when your father thanked you for
your kindness to him. Did we not all three
weep with affection for each other? and was
not that happiness?

HENRY.

It was—nor will I give up such satisfaction,
for any enticement that can offer.——Be contented,
Eleanor,—for your sake and my father's,
I will be honest.—Nay, more,—I will be scrupulously
proud—and that line of conduct which
my own honour could not force me to follow,
my love to you and him, shall compel me to.—
When, through necessity, I am tempted to
plunder, your blushes and my father's anguish
shall hold my hand.—And when I am urged
through impatience, to take away my own life,
your lingering death and his, shall check the
horrid suggestion, and I will live for you.

ELEANOR.

Then do not ever trust yourself away, at least
from one of us.

HENRY.

Dear sister! do you imagine that your power
is less when separated from me? Do you suppose
I think less frequently on my father and
his dismal prison, because we are not always
together? Oh! no! he comes even more forcibly
to my thoughts in his absence—and then,
more bitterly do I feel his misery, than while
the patient old man, before my eyes, talks to
me of his consolations; his internal comforts
from a conscience pure, a mind without malice,
and a heart, where every virtue occupy a place.—
Therefore, do not fear that I shall forget either
him or you, though I might possibly forget myself.

[Exit.
ELEANOR.

If before him I am cheerful, yet to myself I
must complain. [Weeps] And that sound of
festivity at the house adjoining is insupportable!
especially when I reflect that a very small portion
of what will be wasted there only this one
night, would be sufficient to give my dear father
liberty.

[A rapping at the door of her chamber, on the
opposite entrance.]

ELEANOR.

Who's there?

MR. BLACKMAN.

Open the door. [Without.

ELEANOR.

The voice of our landlord. [Goes to the door.
Is it you, Mr. Blackman?

BLACKMAN.

Yes, open the door. [Rapping louder.

[She opens it: Blackman enters, followed
by Bluntly.]

BLACKMAN.

What a time have you made me wait!—And
in the name of wonder, why do you lock your
door? Have you any thing to lose? Have not
you already sold all the furniture you brought
hither? And are you afraid of being stolen
yourself?

[Eleanor retires to the back of the Stage.
BLUNTLY.

Is this the chamber?

BLACKMAN.

Yes, Sir, yes, Mr. Bluntly, this is it.

[Blackman assumes a very different tone of
voice in speaking to Bluntly and Eleanor;
to the one he is all submissive humility,
to the other all harshness.]

BLUNTLY.

This! [Contemptuously.

BLACKMAN.

Why yes, sir,—this is the only place I have
left in my own house, since your master has been
pleased to occupy that next door, while his own
magnificent one has been repairing.—Lock yourself
up, indeed! (Looking at Eleanor.)—You
have been continually asking me for more rooms,
Mr. Bluntly, and have not I made near half a
dozen doors already from one house to the
other, on purpose to accommodate your good
family.—Upon my honour, I have not now a
single chamber but what I have let to these
lodgers, and what I have absolute occasion for
myself.

BLUNTLY.

And if you do put yourself to a little inconvenience,
Mr. Blackman, surely my master—

BLACKMAN.

Your master, Mr. Bluntly, is a very good man
—a very generous man—and I hope at least he has
found me a very lucky one; for good luck is all
the recommendation which I, in my humble
station, aspire to—and since I have been Sir
George's attorney, I have gained him no less than
two law-suits.

BLUNTLY.

I know it. I know also that you have lost
him four.

BLACKMAN.

We'll drop the subject.—And in regard to
this room, sir, it does not suit, you say?

BLUNTLY.

No, for I feel the cold wind blow through
every crevice.

BLACKMAN.

But suppose I was to have it put a little into
repair? That window, for instance, shall have
a pane or two of glass put in; the cracks of
the door shall be stopt up; and then every thing
will have a very different appearance.

BLUNTLY.

And why has not this been done before?

BLACKMAN.

Would you have me be laying out my money,
while I only let the place at a paltry price, to
people who I am obliged to threaten to turn into
the streets every quarter, before I can get my
rent from them?

BLUNTLY.

Is that the situation of your lodgers at present?

BLACKMAN.

Yes.—But they made a better appearance
when they first came, or I had not taken such
persons to live thus near to your master.

BLUNTLY.

That girl (looking at Eleanor) seems very
pretty—and I dare say my master would not care
if he was nearer to her.

BLACKMAN.

Pshaw, pshaw—she is a poor creature—she is
in great distress. She is misery itself.

BLUNTLY.

I feel quite charmed with misery.—Who belongs
to her?

BLACKMAN.

A young man who says he is her brother—
very likely he is not—but that I should not enquire
about, if they could pay my rent. If
people will pay me, I don't care what they are.
(Addressing himself to Eleanor) I desire you
will tell your brother when he comes in, that I
have occasion for the money which will be due
to me to-morrow—and if I don't receive it before
to-morrow night, he must seek some other
habitation.

BLUNTLY.

Hush, Mr. Blackman—if you speak so loud,
you will have our company in the next house
hear you.

BLACKMAN.

And if they did, do you think it would spoil
their dancing? No, Mr. Bluntly.—And in that
respect, I am a person of fashion.—I never suffer
any distress to interfere with my enjoyments.

ELEANOR.
[Coming to him.

Dear sir, have but patience a little while
longer.—Indeed, I hope you will lose nothing.

BLACKMAN.

I won't lose any thing. [Going.

ELEANOR.
[Following him.

Sir, I would speak a single word to you, if
you will be so good as to hear me?

BLUNTLY.

Ay, stay and hear her.

ELEANOR.
[Looking at Bluntly.

But I wish to speak to him by ourselves.

BLUNTLY.

Then I'll withdraw.

BLACKMAN.

What have you to say? [In anger.

BLUNTLY.

Hear her, Mr. Blackman—or may none of
her sex ever listen to you.

[Exit.
BLACKMAN.

If it is only to entreat me to let you continue
here, I am gone in an instant.——Come, speak
quickly, for I have no time to lose.—Come,
speak, speak.

ELEANOR.

But are you resolved to have no pity? You
know in what a helpless situation we are—and
the deplorable state of my poor father.

[Weeping.
BLACKMAN.

Ay, I thought what you had to say—farewel,
farewel.

ELEANOR.
[Laying hold of him.

Oh! do not plunge us into more distress
than we can bear; but open your heart to compassion.

BLACKMAN.

I can't——'tis a thing I never did in my life.

[Going, he meets Bluntly, who stops him.
BLUNTLY.

Well, have you granted her request?

BLACKMAN.

I would do a great deal to oblige you, Mr.
Bluntly—and if you will only give your word
for the trifle of rent owing, why, I am not so
hard-hearted but I will suffer her to stay.

BLUNTLY.

Well, well,—I will give my word.

BLACKMAN.

But remember, it is not to be put down to
your master's account, but to your own.—I am
not to give credit.

ELEANOR.

Nor am I to lay my brother under an obligation
of this nature. (To Bluntly) I thank you
for your offer, sir, but I cannot accept it.

BLACKMAN.
[In extreme anger.

What do you mean by that?

BLUNTLY.

Perhaps she is right.

ELEANOR.

My brother would resent my acceptance of a
favour from a stranger.

BLACKMAN.

Your brother resent! A poor man resent!
Did you ever hear of any body's regarding a
poor man's resentment?

ELEANOR.

No—nor a poor woman's prayers.

BLACKMAN.

Yes, I will regard your prayers, if you will
suffer this gentleman to be your friend.

ELEANOR.

Any acquaintance of your's, Mr. Blackman,
I must distrust.

BLACKMAN.

Do you hear with what contempt she treats
us both?

BLUNTLY.

But perhaps she is right—at least, in treating
one of us so, I am sure she is—and I will forgive
her wronging the one, for the sake of her doing
justice to the other.

Enter Henry: he starts at seeing Blackman
and Bluntly.

HENRY.

Who are these?

BLACKMAN.

"Who are these?" Did you ever hear such
impertinence? (Going up to him) Pray who are
you, sir?

HENRY.

I am a man.

BLACKMAN.

Yes—but I am a lawyer.

HENRY.

Whatever you are, this apartment is mine,
not your's—and I desire you to leave it.

BLACKMAN.

But to-morrow it will be mine, and then I
shall desire you to leave it, and force you to
leave it.

HENRY.

Eleanor, retire to the other chamber; I am
sorry I left you.

[Leads her off.
BLACKMAN.

And I am sorry that I and my friend should
come here to be affronted.

BLUNTLY.

Mr. Blackman, I won't be called names.

BLACKMAN.

Names, sir! What names did I call you?

BLUNTLY.

Did not you call me your friend? I assure
you, sir, I am not used to be called names.
I am but a servant whose character is every
thing—and I'll let you know that I am not your
friend.

BLACKMAN.

Why, you blockhead, does not your master
call himself my friend?

BLUNTLY.

Yes, my master is a great man, and he can
get a place without a character,—but if I lose
mine, I am ruined; therefore take care how you
miscal me for the future, for I assure you I
won't bear it. I am not your friend, and you
shall find I am not.

[Exit (in great anger), Blackman following.
END OF THE FIRST ACT.

ACT II.

SCENE I.   An Apartment at Sir George
Splendorville's.

Enter Sir George, followed by Bluntly.

SIR GEORGE.

What's o'clock? [Rubbing his eyes.

BLUNTLY.

Just noon, sir.

SIR GEORGE.

Why was I waked so early?

BLUNTLY.

You were not waked, sir—You rung.

SIR GEORGE.

Then it was in my sleep—and could not you
suppose so?——After going to bed at five, to
make me rise at noon! (in a violent passion) What
am I to do with myself, sir, till it is time to go
out for the evening?

BLUNTLY.

You have company to dinner you know, sir.

SIR GEORGE.

No, it is to supper—and what am I to do with
myself till that time?

BLUNTLY.

Company again to supper, Sir?

SIR GEORGE.

Yes, and the self-same company I had last
night—I invited them upon Lady Caroline's
account—to give her an opportunity of revenge,
for the money she lost here yesterday evening—
and I am all weariness—I am all lassitude and
fretfulness till the time arrives.—But now I call
to mind, I have an affair that may engage my
attention a few hours. You were giving me an
account, Bluntly, of that beautiful girl I saw
enter at Blackman's?

BLUNTLY.

Yes, sir, I saw her late last night in Mr.
Blackman's house—she lodges there.

SIR GEORGE.

Indeed? In Blackman's house? I am glad to
hear it.

BLUNTLY.

And he has assured me, sir, that she and her
family are in the greatest poverty imaginable.

SIR GEORGE.

I am glad to hear it.

BLUNTLY.

They have been it seems above a twelvemonth
in London, in search of some rich relations; but
instead of meeting with them, the father was
seen and remembered by an old creditor who
has thrown him into prison.

SIR GEORGE.

I am very glad to hear it.

BLUNTLY.

But the young woman, Sir, has been so short
a time in town, she has, seemingly, a great deal
of modesty and virtue.

SIR GEORGE.

And I am very glad to hear of that too—
I like her the better—you know I do—for I am
weary of that ready compliance I meet with
from the sex.

BLUNTLY.

But if I might presume to advise, sir—as you
are so soon to be married to her ladyship, whom
you love with sincere affection, you should give
up this pursuit.

SIR GEORGE.

And I shall give it up, Bluntly, before my
marriage takes place—for, short as that time may
be, I expect this passion will be over and forgotten,
long before the interval has passed away.—
But that brother you were mentioning——

BLUNTLY.

I have some reason to think, that with all his
poverty, he has a notion of honour.

SIR GEORGE.
[Laughing.

Oh! I have often tried the effect of a purse of
gold with people of honour.—Have you desired
them to be sent for as I ordered.

BLUNTLY.

I have, Sir.

SIR GEORGE.

See if they are come. [Exit Bluntly.] Ah!
my dear Lady Caroline, it is you, and only you,
whom I love with a sincere passion! but in waiting
this long expected event of our marriage,
permit me to indulge some less exalted
wishes.

Enter Bluntly.
SIR GEORGE.

Are they come?

BLUNTLY.

The young man is in the anti-chamber, sir,
but his sister is not with him. (Speaking to
Henry who is without) Please to walk this way
—my master desires to see you.

SIR GEORGE.

No, no, no—I do not desire to see him, if
his sister is not there.—Zounds you scoundrel
what did you call him in for?

Enter Henry, and bows.

[Sir George looks at him with a careless familiarity—
Bluntly leaves the room.]

SIR GEORGE.

Young man, I am told you are very poor—
you may have heard that I am very rich—and I
suppose you are acquainted with the extensive
meaning of the word—generosity.

HENRY.

[After an hesitation.] Perhaps not, sir.

SIR GEORGE.

The meaning of it, as I comprehend, is, for
the rich to give to the poor.—Have you any
thing to ask of me in which I can serve you?

HENRY.

Your proposal is so general, I am at a loss
what to answer—but you are no doubt acquainted
with the extensive meaning of the word, pride,—
and that will apologize for the seeming indifference
with which I receive your offer.

SIR GEORGE.

Your pride seems extensive indeed.—I heard
your father was in prison, and I pitied him.

HENRY.

Did you, Sir?—Did you pity my father:—
I beg your pardon—if I have said any thing to
offend you pray forgive it—nor let my rudeness
turn your companion away from him, to any
other object.

SIR GEORGE.

Would a small sum release him from confinement?
Would about a hundred pounds——

HENRY.

I have no doubt but it would.

SIR GEORGE.

Then take that note.——Be not surprised—
I mean to dispose of a thousand guineas this way,
instead of fitting up a theatre in my own house.—
That (giving him the note) is a mere trifle; my
box at the opera, or my dinner; I mean to dine
alone to morrow, instead of inviting company.

HENRY.

Sir George, I spoke so rudely to you at first,
that I know no other way to shew my humility,
than to accept your present without reluctance.—
I do therefore, as the gift of benevolence,
not as the insult of better fortune.

SIR GEORGE.

You have a brother, have not you?

HENRY.

No, Sir—and only one sister.

SIR GEORGE.

A sister is it? well, let me see your father and
your brother—your sister I mean—did not you
say?—you said a sister, did not you?

HENRY.

Yes, Sir.

SIR GEORGE.

Well, let me see your father and her; they
will rejoice at their good fortune I imagine, and
I wish to be a witness of their joy.

HENRY.

I will this moment go to our lawyer, extricate
my father, and we will all return and make you
the spectator of the happiness you have bestowed.

Forgive my eagerness to disclose your bounty,
sir, if, before I have said half I feel, I fly to
reveal it to my father; to whom I can more powerfully
express my sensations—than in your presence.

[Exit.
SIR GEORGE.

That bait has taken—and now, if the sister
will only be as grateful.

Enter Bluntly.
BLUNTLY.

Dear sir, what can you have said to the young
man? I never saw a person so much affected!

SIR GEORGE.

In what manner?

BLUNTLY.

The tears ran down his cheeks as he passed
along, and he held something in his hand which
he pressed to his lips, and then to his heart,
as if it was a treasure.

SIR GEORGE.

It is a treasure, Bluntly—a hundred Guineas.

BLUNTLY.

But for which, I believe, you expect a greater
treasure in return.

SIR GEORGE.

Dost think so Bluntly?—dost think the girl is
worth a hundred pounds?

BLUNTLY.

If she refuses, she is worth a thousand—but if
she complies, you have thrown away your money.

SIR GEORGE.

Just the reverse.

BLUNTLY.

But I hope, sir, you do not mean to throw
away any more thus—for although this sum, by
way of charity, may be well applied, yet indeed,
sir, I know some of your creditors as much in
want as this poor family.

SIR GEORGE.

How!—You are in pay by some of my creditors
I suppose?

BLUNTLY.

No, Sir, you must pay them, before they can
pay any body.

SIR GEORGE.

You are impertinent—leave the room instantly,
and go in search of this sister; now, while
the son is gone to release his father.—Tell her,
her brother is here, and bring her hither immediately.

BLUNTLY.

But, sir, if you will only give me leave to
speak one word—

SIR GEORGE.

Do, speak; [Goes to the chimney-piece and takes
down a pistol] only speak a single syllable, and
I'll send a ball instantly through your head.

BLUNTLY.

I am dumb, Sir—I don't speak indeed, Sir—
upon my life I don't. I wish I may die if I speak a word.

SIR GEORGE.

Go on the errand I told you; and if you dare
to return without the girl this is your fate.

[Holding up the pistol.
BLUNTLY.
Yes, Sir.
[Exit.
SIR GEORGE.
[Laying the pistol on the table.

Impertinent puppy; to ruffle the temper of a
man of fashion with hints of prudence and morality,
and paying his debts—all this from a servant
too. The insolent, chattering——

Enter Bluntly.
BLUNTLY.

May I speak now, sir?

SIR GEORGE.

What have you to say?

BLUNTLY.

Mr. Blackman, sir.

SIR GEORGE.

Bid him come in.

Enter Blackman. Exit Bluntly.
SIR GEORGE.

Good morning, Mr. Blackman; come, sit
down.

BLACKMAN.
[Bowing respectfully.

I am glad, Sir George, I have found you
alone, for I come to speak to you on important
business.

SIR GEORGE.

Business!——no—not now if you please.

BLACKMAN.

But I must, sir—I have been here ten times
before, and have been put off, but now you
must hear what I have to say.

SIR GEORGE.

Don't be long then—don't be tedious, Mr.
Blackman—for I expect a, a—in short, I expect
a pretty woman.

BLACKMAN.

When she comes, I will go.

SIR GEORGE.

Very well, speak quickly then. What have
you to say?

BLACKMAN.

I come to speak upon the subject of your father's
will; by which you know, you run the
hazard of losing great part of what he left behind.

SIR GEORGE.

But what am I to do?

BLACKMAN.

There is no time to be lost. Consider, that
Mr. Manly, the lawyer, whom your father employed,
is a man who pretends to a great deal
of morality; and it was he who, when your father
found himself dying, alarmed his conscience,
and persuaded him to make this Will in favour
of a second person. Now, I think that you and
I both together, ought to have a meeting with
this conscientious lawyer.

SIR GEORGE.

But I should imagine, Mr. Blackman, that if
he is really a conscientious man, you and he will
not be upon good terms.

BLACKMAN.

Oh! people of our avocation differ in respect
to conscience. Puzzle, confound, and abuse
each other, and yet are upon good terms.

SIR GEORGE.

But I fear——

BLACKMAN.

Fear nothing.—There are a vast number of
resources in our art.—It is so spacious, and yet
so confined—so sublime, and yet so profound—
so distinct, and yet so complicated—that if ever
this person with whom your fortune is divided
should be found, I know how to envelope her
in a labyrinth, where she shall be lost again in
a hurry.——But your father's lawyer being a
very honest—I mean a very particular man in
his profession,—I have reason to fear we cannot
gain him over to our purpose.—If, therefore,—

Enter Bluntly.
SIR GEORGE.

My visitor is come, as I told you.

BLACKMAN.
[Rising.

And I am gone, as I told you.

[Going.
Enter Eleanor.
BLACKMAN.
[Aside.

My lodger! ah! ah! (To her in a whisper)
You may stay another quarter.

[Exit.
SIR GEORGE.

(To Eleanor) I am glad to see you.—Bluntly—

[Makes a sign to him to leave the room.
BLUNTLY.

Sir?

[Sir George waves his hand and nods
his head a second time.

BLUNTLY.

Sir?——

[Still affecting not to understand him.
SIR GEORGE.

I bid you go. [Angrily.

BLUNTLY.

You bid me go, sir?—Oh yes, sir.—Very
well, sir.—But indeed, sir, I did not hear you
before, sir.—Indeed I did not.

[Bows, and exit with reluctance,
which Eleanor observes.

ELEANOR.

Pardon me, sir.—I understood my brother
was here, but I find he is not.

SIR GEORGE.

He is but this instant gone, and will return
immediately.—Stay then with me till he comes.
(Takes her hand.) Surely you cannot refuse to
remain with me a few moments; especially as I
have a great deal to say to you that may tend
to your advantage.

Why do you cast your eyes with such impatience
on that door? (Goes and locks it.)
There, now you may look at it in vain.

ELEANOR.

For heaven sake, why am I locked in?

SIR GEORGE.

Because you should not escape.

ELEANOR.

That makes me resolve I will—Open the
door, sir.

[Going to it.
SIR GEORGE.

Nay, listen to me. Your sentiments, I make
no doubt, are formed from books.

ELEANOR.

No, from misfortunes—yet more instructive.

SIR GEORGE.

You shall never know misfortune more—you,
nor your relations.—But this moment I presented
your brother with a sum of money, and he left
me with professions of the deepest gratitude.

ELEANOR.

My brother!—Has he received money from
you? Ah! he promised me he'd not disgrace
his family.

SIR GEORGE.

How! Family, indeed!

ELEANOR.

I cannot remain here a moment longer. Open
the door, sir—open it immediately.

[Raising her voice.
BLUNTLY.
[Without.

Sir, sir, sir,—open the door, if you please—
you are wanted, sir.

SIR GEORGE.

S'death! who can want me in such haste?

[Opens the door, and appears confounded.
Enter Bluntly.
SIR GEORGE.

Well, sir!

BLUNTLY.

——Did you call, sir?

SIR GEORGE.

It was you who called, sir.

BLUNTLY.

Who, I, sir?

SIR GEORGE.

Yes, sir, you—Who wants me?

BLUNTLY.
[Looking at Eleanor.

Perhaps it was you that called, Ma'am.

ELEANOR.

It was I that called: and pray be so kind as
to conduct me to my own lodgings.

[Bluntly offers her his hand.
SIR GEORGE.

Dare not to touch her—or to stay another
moment in the room.—Begone.

[Bluntly looks at Eleanor aside, and
points to the pistol; then bows humbly, and
retires.

SIR GEORGE.

And now, my fair Lucretia——

[He is going to seize her—she takes up
the pistol and presents it.

ELEANOR.

No, it's not myself I'll kill—'Tis you.

SIR GEORGE.
[Starting.

Nay, nay, nay, lay it down.—Lay that foolish
thing down; I beg you will. (Trembling.) It
is charged—it may go off.

ELEANOR.

I mean it to go off.

SIR GEORGE.

But no jesting—I never liked jesting in my
life.

ELEANOR.

Nor I—but am always serious.—Dare not,
therefore, insult me again, but let me go to my
wretched apartments.

[Passes by him, presenting the pistol.
SIR GEORGE.

Go to the——

[She turns short at the door, and presents it again.
SIR GEORGE.

What would you do?—Here Bluntly! Bluntly!

[Exit Eleanor.
Enter Bluntly.
BLUNTLY.

Did you call or no, sir?

SIR GEORGE.

Yes, sir, I did call now. (In a threatening
accent.) Don't you think you have behaved very
well this morning?

BLUNTLY.

Yes, sir, I think I have.

SIR GEORGE.

I am not joking.

BLUNTLY.

Nor am I, sir.

SIR GEORGE.

And do not you think I should behave very
well, if I was to discharge you my service?

BLUNTLY.

As well as can be expected, sir.

SIR GEORGE.

Why did you break in upon me just now?
Did you think I was going to murder the girl?

BLUNTLY.

No, sir, I suspected neither love nor murder.

SIR GEORGE.

What then did you suspect?

BLUNTLY.

Why, sir, if I may make bold to speak—I
was afraid the poor girl might be robbed: and
of all she is worth in the world.

SIR GEORGE.

Blockhead! I suppose you mean her virtue?

[Smiling with contempt.
BLUNTLY.

Why, to say the truth, sir, virtue is a currency
that grows scarce in the world now-a-days—
and some men are so much in need of it, that
they think nothing of stopping a harmless female
passenger in her road through life, and plundering
her of it without remorse, though its loss, embitters
every hour she must afterwards pass in her
journey.

Enter Henry.
HENRY.

Sir George, my father, liberated from prison
by your bounty, is come gratefully to offer——

Enter Willford and Eleanor.
ELEANOR.

[Holding her father by the hand, to prevent his
going forward.

Oh, my father! whither are you going? Turn
back—turn back.

HENRY.
[To his father.

This is your benefactor—the man whose benevolence
has put an end to your sufferings.

[Eleanor bursts into tears and retires up the stage.
WILLFORD.

How, sir, can I ever repay what I owe to you?
—or how describe those emotions, which your
goodness at this moment makes me feel?

SIR GEORGE.
[In confusion.

Very well—very well—'tis all very well.
(Aside) I wish it was.—(To him) I am glad I
have been of service to you.

WILLFORD.

You have been like mercy to us all. My
daughter's gratitude overflows in tears.—But why,
my child, do you keep apart from us? Can you
be too timid to confess your obligation?

SIR GEORGE.

Let her alone—let her indulge her humour.

WILLFORD.

Speak, Eleanor.

SIR GEORGE.

No, I had rather she would be silent.

WILLFORD.

You offend me by this obstinacy.

ELEANOR.
[Going to Willford and taking his hand.

Oh, my father!—Oh! I cannot——I cannot
speak.

WILLFORD.

Wherefore?—Explain this moment, what
agitates you thus.

ELEANOR.

You must return to confinement again.

WILLFORD.

How?

ELEANOR.

The money that has set you free, was given
for the basest purposes—and by a man as far beneath
you in principle, as you are beneath him
in fortune. Disdain the obligation—and come
my father, return to prison.

WILLFORD.

Yes.—And with more joy than I left it. (To
Sir George) Joy, in my daughter's virtuous
contempt of thee. (To his children) Leave the
house instantly.

[Exit Henry and Eleanor.
WILLFORD.
[Addressing himself to Sir George.

Your present is but deposited in a lawyer's
hands, whose word gained me my liberty—
he shall immediately return it to you, while I return
to imprisonment.

SIR GEORGE.

If the money is in a lawyer's hands, my good
friend, it may be some time before you get it
returned.

[Going.
WILLFORD.

Stay, Sir George—(he returns) And look me
in the face while you insult me. (Sir George
looks on the floor.) You cannot.—I therefore triumph,
while you stand before me abashed like
a culprit.—Yet be assured, unthinking, dissipated
man, that with all your insolence and
cruelty towards me and mine, I have still the
charity to rejoice, even for your sake, at seeing
you thus confounded. This shame is at least one
trait in your favour; and while it revenges my
wrongs, gives me joy to find, you are not a
hardened libertine.

[Exeunt.
END OF THE SECOND ACT.

ACT III.

SCENE I.   The apartment at Sir George
Splendorville's, where the night has
been passed at play—Several card-tables
with company playing—Sir George and
Lady Caroline at the same table. Sir
George rises furiously.

SIR GEORGE.

Never was the whole train of misfortunes
so united to undo a man, as this night to
ruin me. The most obstinate round of ill
luck——

MR. LUCRE.
[Waking from a sleep.

What is all that? You have lost a great deal
of money, I suppose?

SIR GEORGE.

Every guinea I had about me, and fifteen
thousand besides, for which I have given my
word.

MR. LUCRE.

Fifteen thousand guineas! and I have not
won one of them.—Oh, confusion upon every
thing that has prevented me.

SIR GEORGE.
[Taking Lady Caroline aside.

Lady Caroline, you are the sole person who
has profited by my loss.—Prove to me that your
design was not to ruin me; to sink me into the
abyss of misfortune,—prove to me, you love me
in return for all my tender love to you. And
(taking up the cards) give me my revenge in one
single cut.

LADY CAROLINE.

If this is the proof you require, I consent.

SIR GEORGE.

Thank you.—And it is for double or quit.—
Thank you.

[She shuffles and cuts.
SIR GEORGE.

Ay, it will be mine—thank you.—I shall be
the winner—thank you. (He cuts—then tears the
cards and throws them on the floor.) Destraction!—
Furies of the blackest kind conspire against
me, and all their serpents are in my heart.—
Cruel, yet beloved woman! Could you thus
abuse and take advantage of the madness of my
situation?

LADY CAROLINE.

Your misfortunes, my dear Sir George—make
you blind.

SIR GEORGE.
[Taking her again aside.

No, they have rather opened my eyes, and
have shown me what you are.—Still an object I
adore; but I now perceive you are one to my
ruin devoted.—If any other intention had directed
you, would you have thus decoyed me
to my folly?—You know my proneness to play,
your own likelihood of success, and have palpably
allured me to my destruction. Ungrateful
woman, you never loved me, but taught me to
believe so, in order to partake of my
prodigality.—Do not be suspicious, madam; the debt
shall be discharged within a week.

LADY CAROLINE.
[With the utmost indifference.

That will do, sir—I depend upon your word;
and that will do.

[Exit curtsying.
SIR GEORGE.

Ungrateful—cruel—she is gone without giving
me one hope.—She even insults—despises
me.

MR. LUCRE.
[Coming forward.

Indeed, my dear friend, I compassionate your
ill luck most feelingly; and yet I am nearly as
great an object of compassion on this occasion as
yourself; for I have not won a single guinea of
all your losses: if I had, why I could have borne
your misfortune with some sort of patience.

LADY BRIDGET.

My dear Sir George, your situation affects me
so extremely, I cannot stay a moment longer in
your presence. [Goes to the door, and returns.]
But you may depend upon my prayers.

[Exit.
LORD HAZARD.

Sir George, if I had any consolation to offer,
it should be at your service—but you know—you
are convinced—I have merely a sufficiency
of consolation—that is, of friends and of money
to support myself in the rank of life I hold in the
world. For without that—without that rank—
I sincerely wish you a good morning.

[Exit Lord Hazard.
SIR GEORGE.

Good morning.

[The company by degrees all steal out of the room,
except Mr. Lucre.

SIR GEORGE.
[Looking around.

Where are all my guests?—the greatest part
gone without a word in condolence, and the rest
torturing me with insulting wishes. Here! behold!
here is the sole reliance which I have prepared
for the hour of misfortune; and what is it?
—words—compliments—desertion—and
from those, whose ingratitude makes their neglect still
more poignant. [Turns and perceives Mr. Lucre.]
Lucre, my dear Lucre, are not you amazed at
what you see?

MR. LUCRE.

No, not at all—'tis the way of the world—
we caress our acquaintances whilst they are happy
and in power, but if they fall into misfortune,
we think we do enough if we have the good nature
to pity them.

SIR GEORGE.

And are you, one of these friends?

MR. LUCRE.

I am like the rest of the world.—I was in the
number of your flatterers; but at present you
have none—for you may already perceive, we are
grown sincere.

SIR GEORGE.

But have not you a thousand times desired me,
in any distress, to prove you?

MR. LUCRE.

And you do prove me now, do you not?—
Heaven bless you. [Shaking hands with him] I
shall always have a regard for you—but for any
thing farther—I scorn professions which I do not
mean to keep.

[Going.
SIR GEORGE.

Nay, but Lucre! consider the anguish in
which you leave me!—consider, that to be forsaken
by my friends is more affecting than the
loss of all my fortune. Though you have nothing
else to give me, yet give me your company.

MR. LUCRE.

My dear friend I cannot. Reflect that I am
under obligations to you—so many indeed that
I am ashamed to see you.——I am naturally bashful;
and do not be surprised if I should never
have the confidence to look you in the face
again.

[Exit.
SIR GEORGE.

This is the world, such as I have heard it
described, but not such as I could ever believe
it to be.—But I forgive—I forget all the world
except Lady Caroline—her ingratitude fastens
to my heart and drives me to despair. She, on
whom I have squandered so much—she, whom I
loved—and whom I still love, spite of her perfidy!

(Enter Bluntly.)

Well, Bluntly—behold the friendship of the
friends I loved! This morning I was in prosperity
and had many—this night I am ruined,
and I have not one.

BLUNTLY.

Ruined, sir?

SIR GEORGE.

Totally: and shall be forced to part with every
thing I possess to pay the sums I owe.——Of
course, I shall part with all my servants—and
do you endeavour to find some other place.

BLUNTLY.

But first, sir,—permit me to ask a favour of
you?

SIR GEORGE.

A favour of me? I have no favours now
to grant.

BLUNTLY.

I beg your pardon, sir—you have one—and
I entreat it on my knees.

SIR GEORGE.

What would you ask of me?

BLUNTLY.

To remain along with you still.—I will never
quit you; but serve you for nothing, to the last
moment of my life.

SIR GEORGE.

I have then one friend left. (Embracing him.)
And never will I forget to acknowledge the
obligation.

Enter Blackman.
BLACKMAN.

Pardon me—sir—I beg ten thousand pardons
—pray excuse me, (In the most servile manner,)
for entering before I sent to know if you were
at leisure—but your attendants are all fast asleep
on the chairs of your antichamber.—I could
not wake a soul—and I imagined you yourself
were not yet up.

SIR GEORGE.

On the contrary, I have not yet been in bed.
And when I do go there, I wish never to rise
from it again.

BLACKMAN.

Has any thing unexpected happened?

SIR GEORGE.

Yes.—That I am ruined—inevitably ruined
—Behold (Shewing the cards) the only wreck
of my fortune.

BLACKMAN.

(Starting.) Lost all your fortune?

SIR GEORGE.

All I am worth—and as much more as I am
worth.

[Blackman draws a chair, sits down with
great familiarity, and stares Sir George
rudely in the face.

BLACKMAN.

Lost all you are worth? He, he, he, he!
(Laughs maliciously.) Pretty news, truly! Why
then I suppose I have lost great part of what I
am worth? all which you are indebted to me?
—However there is a way yet to retrieve you.
But—please to desire your servant to leave the
room.

SIR GEORGE.

Bluntly, leave us a moment. (Exit Bluntly.)
Well, Mr. Blackman, what is this grand secret?

BLACKMAN.

Why, in the state to which you have reduced
yourself, there is certainly no one hope
for you, but in that portion, that half of your
fortune, which the will of your father keeps
you out of.

SIR GEORGE.

But how am I to obtain it? The lawyer in
whose hands it is placed, will not give it up,
without being insured from any future demand
by some certain proofs.

BLACKMAN.

And suppose I should search, and find proofs?
Suppose I have them already by me?—But upon
this occasion, you must not only rely implicitly
on what I say, but it is necessary you should say
the same yourself.

SIR GEORGE.

If you advance no falsehood, I cannot have
any objection.

BLACKMAN.

Falsehood!—falsehood!—I apprehend, Sir
George, you do not consider, that there is a
particular construction put upon words and
phrases in the practice of the law, which the
rest of the world, out of that study, are not
clearly acquainted with. For instance, falsehood
with us, is not exactly what it is with other
people.

SIR GEORGE.

How! Is truth, immutable truth, to be corrupted
and confounded by men of the law?

BLACKMAN.

I was not speaking of truth—that, we have
nothing to do with.

SIR GEORGE.

I, must not say so, however, sir.—And in this
crisis of my sufferings, it is the only comfort,
the only consolatory reflection left me, that
truth and I, will never separate.

BLACKMAN.

Stick to your truth—but confide in me as
usual.—You will go with me, then, to Mr.
Manly, your father's lawyer, and corroborate
all that I shall say?

SIR GEORGE.

Tell me, but what you intend to say?

BLACKMAN.

I can't do that. In the practice of the law,
we never know what we intend to say—and
therefore our blunders, when we make them,
are in some measure excusable—and if I should
chance to make a blunder or two, I mean any
trivial mistake, when we come before this lawyer,
you must promise not to interfere, or in any
shape contradict me.

SIR GEORGE.

A mere lapse of memory, I have nothing to
do with.

BLACKMAN.

And my memory grows very bad; therefore
you must not disconcert me.

SIR GEORGE.

Come, let us begone—I am ready to go with
you this moment.

BLACKMAN.

I must first go home, and prepare a few
writings.

SIR GEORGE.

But call to mind that I rely upon your honour.

BLACKMAN.

Do you think Bluntly, your servant, is an
honest man?

SIR GEORGE.

I am sure he is.

BLACKMAN.

Then, to quiet your fears, I will take him
along with us; and you will depend on what
he shall say, I make no doubt?

SIR GEORGE.

I would stake my being upon his veracity.

BLACKMAN.

Call him in, then, and bid him do as I command
him.

SIR GEORGE.

Here, Bluntly. (Enter Bluntly.) Mr.
Blackman has some business with you—listen to
him with attention, and follow his directions.

[Exit.
BLACKMAN.

You know, I suppose, the perilous situation
of your master?

[Bluntly shakes his head, and wipes his eyes.
BLACKMAN.

Good fellow! good fellow!—and you would,
I dare say, do any thing to rescue him from the
misery with which he is surrounded?

BLUNTLY.

I would lay down my life.

BLACKMAN.

You can do it for less. Only put on a black
coat, and the business is done.

BLUNTLY.

What's that all? Oh! if I can save him by
putting on a black coat, I'll go buy mourning,
and wear it all my life.

BLACKMAN.

There's a good fellow. I sincerely thank
you for this attachment to your master.

[Shaking him by the hand.
BLUNTLY.

My dear Blackman, I beg your pardon for
what I am going to say; but as you behave
thus friendly on this unfortunate occasion, I
must confess to you—that till now I always hated
you.—I could not bear the sight of you.—For
I thought you (I wish I may die if I did not)
one of the greatest rogues in the world. I fancied
you only waited on, and advised my master
to make your market of him.—But now your
attention to him in his distress, when all his
friends have forsaken him, is so kind—Heaven
bless you—Heaven bless you—I'll go buy a
black coat.

[Going.
BLACKMAN.

I have something more to say to you.—When
you have put on this coat, you must meet your
master and me at Mr. Manly's, the lawyer; and
when we are all there, you must mind and say,
exactly what I say.

BLUNTLY.

And what will that be?

BLACKMAN.

Oh! something.

BLUNTLY.

I have no objection to say something—but I
hope you won't make me say any thing.

BLACKMAN.

You seem to doubt me once more, sir?

BLUNTLY.

No, I am doubting you now for the first time;
for I always thought I was certain before.

BLACKMAN.

And will you not venture to say yes, and no,
to what I shall advance?

BLUNTLY.

Why—I think I may venture to say yes to
your no, and no to your yes, with a safe conscience.

BLACKMAN.

If you do not instantly follow me and do
all that I shall propose, your master is ruined.—
Would you see him dragged to prison?

BLUNTLY.

No, I would sooner go myself.

BLACKMAN.

Then why do you stand talking about a safe
conscience. Half my clients would have been
ruined if I had shewn my zeal as you do.
Conscience indeed! Why, this is a matter of law,
to serve your master in his necessity.

BLUNTLY.

I have heard necessity has no law—but if it
has no conscience, it is a much worse thing than
I took it for.—No matter for that—come along.
—Oh my poor master!—I would even tell a lie
to save him.

[Exeunt.

SCENE II.  A lawyer's study.

Mr. Manly discovered at his writing-desk—a
Servant attending.

MANLY.

Who do you say wants to speak with me?

SERVANT.

Mr. Lucre, sir.

MANLY.

And who else?

SERVANT.

A person who says his name is Willford, he
looks as if he came from the country, and seems
in mean circumstances.

MANLY.

Show him to me directly. And take Mr.
Lucre, or any other person of fashion that may
call, to my clerks. [Exit Servant.] But for the
poor, let them be under my protection.

Enter Willford and Eleanor.
MANLY.

Come in—walk in, and let me know what I
can do to serve you.

WILLFORD.

I deposited, sir, in your clerk's hands, a sum
of money to set me free from confinement for debt.
—On his word, I was discharged—he owns he has
not yet paid away this money, still he refuses to
restore it to me, though in return I again render
up my person.

MANLY.

And why would you do this?

WILLFORD.

Because my honour—I mean my conscience—
for that's the poor man's honour—is concerned.

MANLY.

Explain yourself.

WILLFORD.

A son of mine, received this sum I speak of,
and thought it given him; while it was only
meant as a purchase—a purchase of what we
had no right to sell—and therefore it must be
restored to the owner.

MANLY.

And who is he?

WILLFORD.

Sir George Splendorville—I suppose you have
heard of him?

MANLY.

He, you mean, who by the desire of his father's
will, lately changed his name from Blandford?

WILLFORD.

Sir!

MANLY.

The name, which some part of the family,
while reduced, had taken.

WILLFORD.

Good Heaven! Is there such a circumstance
in his story?

MANLY.

Why do you ask with such emotion?

WILLFORD.

Because he is the man, in search of whom I
left my habitation in the country, to present before
him a destitute young woman, a near relation.

MANLY.

What relation?—Be particular in your answer.

WILLFORD.

A sister.

MANLY.

I thank you for your intelligence. You have
named a person who for these three years past, I
have in vain endeavoured to find.—But did you
say she was in poverty?

WILLFORD.

I did.

MANLY.

I give you joy then—for I have in my possession
a deed which conveys to a lost daughter of Sir
George's father, the other half of the fortune he
bequeathed his son—but as yet, all my endeavours
have been in vain to find where she, and
an uncle, to whose care she was entrusted in her
infancy, are retired.

WILLFORD.
[Turning to Eleanor.

Now, Eleanor, arm yourself with fortitude—
with fortitude to bear not the frowns, but the
smiles of fortune. Be humble, collected, and
the same you have ever been, while I for the
first time inform you—you are not my daughter.
—And from this gentleman's intelligence
add, you are rich—you are the deceased Blandford's
child, and Splendorville's sister.

ELEANOR.

Oh! Heavens! Do I lose a father such as you,
to gain a brother such as he is?

MANLY.
[To Willford.

There can be no mistake on this occasion—
And you, if I am not deceived, are the brother
of the late Mr. Blandford. Your looks, your
person, your very voice confirms it.

WILLFORD.

I have writings in my care, shall prove it beyond
a doubt; with the whole narrative of our
separation when he with his son, then a youth,
embarked for India; where I suppose, riches, soon
succeeded poverty.

Enter Servant.
SERVANT.

Lady Caroline Seymour, sir, is at the door in
her carriage, and will not be denied admittance.
She says she must see you upon some very urgent
business.

MANLY.
[To Willford and Eleanor.

Will you do me the favour to step for a moment
into this room? Lady Caroline will not
stay long. I'll not detain you.

[Exit Willford and Eleanor.
Enter Lady Caroline.
LADY CAROLINE.

Dear Mr. Manly, I have a thousand apologies
to make—And yet I am sure you will excuse
the subject of my visit, when you consider——

MANLY.

Your ladyship will please to sit down.

[He draws chairs and they sit.
LADY CAROLINE.

You cannot be ignorant, Mr. Manly—you
must know, the terms of acquaintance on which
Sir George Splendorville and I have been, for
some time past?—you were his father's agent;
his chief solicitor; and although you are not
employed by Sir George, yet the state of his
affairs cannot be concealed from you—Has he,
or has he not, any inheritance yet to come?

MANLY.

Pardon me, madam—though not entrusted by
Sir George, I will, nevertheless, keep his secrets.

LADY CAROLINE.

That is plainly telling me he is worth nothing.

MANLY.

By no means—Sir George, in spite of his
profusion, must still be rich. He has preserved
his large estate in Wales; and as to money, I
do not doubt but he has a considerable sum.

LADY CAROLINE.

Not a guinea. I won it all from him last
night.

MANLY.

You? You, who are to become his wife?

LADY CAROLINE.

I might, had I not been thus fortunate. But
why should I marry him, when his riches are
mine, without that ceremony.

MANLY.

Inconsiderate man!—what will be the end
of his imprudence! Yet, Heaven be praised!
he has still that fine estate, I just now mentioned.

LADY CAROLINE.

Indeed he has not—that has belonged to me
these three months.

MANLY.

To you!

LADY CAROLINE.

Yes—Bought for me under another name by
agents; and for half its value.

MANLY.

Madman!—Yet your ladyship must excuse
me. I know your income stinted, and till the
death of the Earl, your father, where could you
raise sufficient to make even half the purchase.

LADY CAROLINE.

From Splendorville's own prodigality—from
lavish presents made to me by him.

Enter Servant.

SERVANT.

Sir George Splendorville, sir, desires to speak
with you—he is at the door with Mr. Blackman.

LADY CAROLINE.

Oh Heavens! do not let him see me here.

[She is hastening to the room where Willford
and his daughter are.

MANLY.

I have company there—walk in here, if you
Please.

[Shows her another door and she enters.
MANLY.
[To the servant.

Desire Sir George to walk in.

Enter Sir George and Blackman.

MANLY.

Sir George, do me the favour to sit down.

[He looks coolly on Blackman, and pointing to
a chair says Good morning. They sit.

SIR GEORGE.

Mr. Manly, my attorney will let you know
the business on which I am come.

BLACKMAN.

Why yes, Mr. Manly, it is extremely hard
that Sir George has for so long a time been kept
out of a very large part of his fortune; particularly,
as he has had occasion for it.

SIR GEORGE.

I have had occasion for it I assure you Mr.
Manly; and I have occasion for it at this very
time.

MR. MANLY.

But so may the person, sir, from whom you
would take it. In a word, Sir George, neither
your lawyer nor you, shall prevail on me to give
up the trust reposed in me by your father, without
certain evidence, that your sister will never
come to make her claim.

BLACKMAN.

You are not afraid of ghosts, are you?

MANLY.

No, nor of robbers either:——you cannot
frighten me, Mr. Blackman.

BLACKMAN.

Then depend upon it, the sister of Sir George
can never appear in any other manner than as a
spirit. For, here, sir, (taking from his pocket a
parcel of papers) here are authentic letters to prove
her death. (Sir George looks confused.)

MANLY.

Her death!

BLACKMAN.

Yes, her death. Here is a certificate from
the curate of the parish in which she was buried.

MANLY.

Buried too!

BLACKMAN.

Yes, sir, buried. Here is also an affidavit
from the sexton of the said village, signed by
the overseer and churchwardens, testifying the
same.—You see, (shewing him the paper, and reading
at the same time) "Died Anno Domini, one
thousand seven hundred and eighty nine, the
seventeenth of June——"

[Mr. Manly takes the paper, and while he is
reading, Sir George says apart——

SIR GEORGE.

How near to the brink of infamy has my
imprudence led me! And s'death, my
confusion takes from me the power to explain, and
expose the scoundrel.

Mr. Manly, I will leave you for the present;
but you shall hear from me shortly,—when this
matter shall be accounted for clearly—perfectly
to your satisfaction, you may depend upon it.—(Going.)

MANLY.

Stay, Sir George, and——

BLACKMAN.

Aye, Sir George, stay and see Mr. Manly's
objections wholly removed. He seems to doubt
the evidence of paper; I must, therefore, beg
leave to produce a living witness—the gentleman
whom I appointed to meet me here.

MANLY.

And who is he?

BLACKMAN.

The apothecary, who attended Sir George's
sister in her dying illness.

[Sir George starts.
MANLY.

Desire him to walk in by all means. What is
the matter, Sir George, you look discomposed?

BLACKMAN.

Sir George is something nervous, Mr. Manly;
and you know the very name of a medical gentleman,
will affect the nerves of some people.

[Blackman goes to the door, and leads on
Bluntly, dressed in mourning.

SIR GEORGE.
[Aside.

Bluntly!—But I will see the end of this.

MANLY.

(Bowing to him). You are an apothecary, I
think, sir?

[Bluntly looks at Blackman]

BLACKMAN.

Yes, sir.

BLUNTLY.

(After seeming inclined to say, No). Yes, sir.

MANLY.

Pray sir, what disorder took the young lady,
on whose account you have been brought hither,
out of the world?

[Bluntly looks at Blackman.]
BLACKMAN.

Oh! the old disorder, I suppose.

BLUNTLY.

The old disorder.

MANLY.

And pray what may that be, sir? (Blackman
offers to reply). Mr. Blackman, Please to let this
gentleman speak for himself.—What is it you
mean, pray sir, by the old disorder?

BLUNTLY.

I—I—mean—Love, sir.

MANLY.

You will not pretend to say, that love, was the
cause of her death?

BLUNTLY.

(Confused and hesitating). That—and a few fits
of the gout.

MANLY.

I fear, sir, you are not in perfect health yourself
—you tremble and look very pale.

BLACKMAN.

That is because the subject affects him.

MANLY.

Do you then never mention the young lady
without being affected?

BLUNTLY.

Never, sir—for had you seen her as I did—
um—Had you seen her.——She was in very
great danger from the first; but after I attended
her, she was in greater danger still.—I
advised a physician to be called in; on which she
grew worse.—We had next a consultation of
physicians; and then it was all over with her.

SIR GEORGE.

(Rising from his chair). Blackman, this is too
much—all my calamities are inferior to this—
Desist, therefore, or——

BLACKMAN.

(To Bluntly.) Desist—He cannot bear to hear
the pathetic description. Consider the lady was
his sister—and though he had not the pleasure of
knowing her—yet, poor thing—(affecting to
weep)—poor young woman! he cannot help lamenting
her loss.

BLUNTLY.

No more can I—for though she was not my
relation—yet she was my Patient. (pretending to
weep also).

SIR GEORGE.

I can bear no more.—Mr. Manly, you are imposed
upon. But think not, however appearances
may be against me, that I came here as the
tool of so infamous a deceit.—Thoughtlessness,
Mr. Manly, has embarrassed my circumstances;
and thoughtlessness alone, has made me employ a
villain to retrieve them.

BLACKMAN.

Mighty fine!

SIR GEORGE.

I have no authority, sir, to affirm, that my
sister is not alive; and I am confident the account
you have just now heard, of her death, is
but an artifice. My indiscretions have reduced
me nearly to beggary; but I will perish in confinement
—cheerfully perish—rather than owe
my affluence to one dishonourable action.

BLACKMAN.

Grief has turned his brain.

MANLY.

Sir George, I honour your feelings; and as for
the feelings of these gentlemen, I am extremely
happy, that it is in my power to dry up their
tears, and calm all their sorrows.

SIR GEORGE.

Sir!

BLACKMAN.

How? In what way?

MANLY.

(Going to the door where Willford and his
niece are.) Come forth, young lady, to the arms
of a brother, and relieve the anguish of these
mourners, who are lamenting your decease.
(Eleanor and Willford enter)—Yes, Sir
George, here is that sister, whom those gentlemen
assure us, is dead;—and this is the brother
of your father.—These are proofs, as convincing,
I hope, as any Mr. Blackman can produce.

SIR GEORGE.

She, my sister! Her pretended father my
uncle too! (Aside) Blackman, you would have
plunged me into an anguish I never knew before;
you would have plunged me into shame.

BLUNTLY.

And so you have me.

BLACKMAN.

Pshaw.—Mr. Manly, notwithstanding you
are these people's voucher, this appears but a
scheme.—These persons are but adventurers,
and may possibly have about them forgeries, such
as an honest man, like myself, would shudder at.

MANLY.
[Going to the door.

Who's there? [Enter Servant.] Shew that—
that Mr. Blackman, out of my house instantly;
and take care you never admit him again.

BLACKMAN.

Sir George, will you suffer this?

SIR GEORGE.

Aye, and a great deal more.

BLUNTLY.

Look'ee Blackman.—If you don't fall
down upon your knees, and beg my pardon at
the street door, for the trick you have put upon
me, in assuring me my master's sister was really
dead, and that I could do her no injury, by doing
him a service—if you don't beg my pardon
for this, I'll give you such an assault and battery
as you never had to do with in your life.

BLACKMAN.

Beat me—do, beat me—I'll thank you for
beating me—I'd be beat every hour of the day,
to recover damages.

[Exit with Bluntly.
SIR GEORGE.

My sister—with the sincerest joy I call you
by that name—and while I thus embrace you,
offer you a heart, that beats with all the pure
and tender affection, which our kindred to
each other claims.—In you (embracing his uncle)
I behold my father; and experience an awful
fear, mingled with my regard.

WILLFORD.

Continue still that regard, and even that fear
—these filial sentiments may prove important;
and they shall ever be repaid with my paternal
watchings, friendship, and love.

ELEANOR.

My brother——

SIR GEORGE.

I have been unworthy of you—I will be so
no more, but imitate your excellence. Yet,
when I reflect——

[Lady Caroline comes softly from the
inner apartment, and attends to the discourse.

ELEANOR.

My brother, do not imagine——

SIR GEORGE.

Leave me, leave me to all the agonies of my
misconduct.—Where is my fortune? Now all
irrecoverably gone—My last, my only resource
is now to be paid to another—I have lost every
thing.

LADY CAROLINE.
[Coming forward.

No, Sir George, nothing—since I possess all
that was yours.

SIR GEORGE.

How!

LADY CAROLINE.

Behold a friend in your necessities—a mistress
whom your misfortunes cannot drive away—
but who, experiencing much of your unkindness,
still loves you; and knowing your every folly,
will still submit to honour, and obey you.

I received your lavish presents, but to hoard
them for you—made myself mistress of your
fortune, but to return it to you—and with it,
all my own.

SIR GEORGE.

Can this be real? Can I be raised in one
moment, from the depths of misery to unbounded
happiness?

Enter Servant.

SERVANT.

A young man, who says he is Mr. Willford's
son, is called to enquire for him.

MANLY.

Shew him in.

[Sir George and Lady Caroline
retire to the back part of the stage.

Enter Henry.

WILLFORD.

Come, Henry, and take leave of your sister
for ever.

HENRY.

How so, sir?—What do you mean? To be
parted from her, would be the utmost rigour of
fortune.

MANLY.

The affection with which you speak, young
gentleman, seems to convey something beyond
mere brotherly love.

WILLFORD.

I some years since revealed to him she was
not his sister.

ELEANOR.

And he, some years since, implied it to me.
Yet, in such doubtful terms, I knew not which
of us had the sorrow not to be your child.—
I now find it is myself—and I aver it to be a
sorrow, for which, all the fortune I am going
to possess will not repay me.

SIR GEORGE.

Then, my dearest sister, indulge the hope you
may yet be his daughter. This young man's
merit deserves a reward, and in time he may
learn to love you by a still nearer tie than that,
you have so long known to exist between you;
nay, even by a nearer tie than that of brother.

HENRY.

I am in doubt of what I hear—Eleanor, since
our short separation, there cannot surely have
been any important discovery—

MANLY.

Be not surprised—great discoveries, which we
labour in vain for years to make, are frequently
brought about in one lucky moment, without
any labour at all.

SIR GEORGE.

True—for till this day arose, I had passed
every hour since my birth, without making one
discovery to my advantage—while this short,
but propitious morning, has discovered to me
all my former folly—and discovered to me—
how to be in future happy.

THE END.

EPILOGUE,

By T. VAUGHAN, Esq.

SPOKEN BY MRS. KEMBLE.

"Long before the beginning of this Play,"
I heard some deep ones in the Green-Room, say,

They had their fears and doubts—whilst some did
quake—

And others wish'd it bed-time for her sake.
Do you, our best Physicians, ever kind, | }
Prescribe our true Cephalic for the Mind,
Of these our Neighbours, and kind Friends—behind,
And with it, give a cordial of the best,
To one, with deepest Gratitude imprest.
For some there are—I have them in my eye—
Will sicken and turn pale with jealousy,
Whene'er we scribbling Women wield the Pen,
Or dare invade the Rights of scribbling Men;
And fir'd with zeal, in dread array appear—
With Tenets from the learned Hemisphere;
Thence cry (kind Souls) "Invention is the only Art,
And mere Translation but a second Part;
Besides—we Men of Taste—can ne'er withstand
E'en Nature's Garrick thus at second Hand!
Then why do Comic Writers live on Theft,
When such Ragouts and Dainties still are left?
Not richer were, in Congreve's days or Behn,
For now, the Males are Females—Women, Men—
Nay some so manly, and so orthodox,
Will drive you four in Hand—or hold the Box;
And if perchance the fatal Die is thrown,
Will storm and swear, like any Lord in Town."

But might I whisper in this Censor's ear,
I'd prove his observations too severe—
And urge—"Translation to hit off with skill,
Is not the province of each common Quill;
But by improving what was writ before,
Tho' Genius may be less, our Judgment's more;
And whilst we paint with energy from Life,
The gallant Husband, or more gallant Wife,
With Tints from living Portraits from the Spot,
It matters not by whom related—or begot;
And thus, much surer shall we reach the Heart,
Than all the lifeless pomp of boasted Art."
As such, deny her not—at least the merit
Of giving Gallic Froth—true British Spirit.

And as for you, ye Fair, how blooms the Cheek,
How sweet the Temper which those eyes bespeak?
No Midnight Oil has e'er destroy'd a Grace,
Or Gaming's Horrors found with you a place;
But Cupid lent you all those winning Arts,
Which at a glance—can warm the coldest Hearts.

Check then with me these Censors as unjust,
Who form their judgments—as they live—on Trust.
Nor ever credit what they dare to say,
Unless with you they join, and like our Play.

Use for a signal then—your Magic Fan,
And all the House will follow to a Man;
Or should there be a disaffected few—
A Counter Revolution—rests with you.

TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE

Contemporary spellings and hyphenation have been retained even where inconsistent. The following changes have been made and can be identified in the body of the text by a grey dotted underline:

return to town and dress for your receptiou | return to town and dress for your reception
I know no other way to shew my humility, then to accept your present | I know no other way to shew my humility, than to accept your present
You were giving me an an account, Bluntly | You were giving me an account, Bluntly
WILLORD | WILLFORD
Still an object I adore; but I now perceive your are one to my ruin devoted. | Still an object I adore; but I now perceive you are one to my ruin devoted.
Lucre, my dear Lucre, are not you amazed at at what you see? | Lucre, my dear Lucre, are not you amazed at what you see?
(…) being insured from any future emand by some certain proofs. | (…) being insured from any future demand by some certain proofs.

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOURS: A COMEDY; IN THREE ACTS ***

Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed.

Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark license, especially commercial redistribution.

START: FULL LICENSE

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK

To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work (or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at www.gutenberg.org/license.

Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property (trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.

1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.

1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the United States and you are located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when you share it without charge with others.

1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any country other than the United States.

1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:

1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, copied or distributed:

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.

1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™.

1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project Gutenberg™ License.

1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website (www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.

1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works provided that:

- • You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.”

- • You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ works.

- • You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of receipt of the work.

- • You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works.

1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.

1.F.

1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.

1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE.

1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further opportunities to fix the problem.

1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.

1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.

1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any Defect you cause.

Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™

Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from people in all walks of life.

Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org.

Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit 501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws.

The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact

Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations ($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt status with the IRS.

The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate.

While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who approach us with offers to donate.

International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.

Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate.

Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.

Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.

Most people start at our website which has the main PG search facility: www.gutenberg.org.

This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.

Table of Contents

- NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOURS;

- THEATRE-ROYAL, HAY-MARKET.

- MRS. INCHBALD.

- LONDON: Printed for G. G. J. and J. Robinson, Pater-noster-Row.

- PROLOGUE,

- DRAMATIS PERSONÆ

- NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOURS.

- ACT I.

- ACT II.

- ACT III.

- EPILOGUE,

- THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE