La peste gròga

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Pessa còmica-burlesca, composta d’afagitons bosquetjats del natural, com á memoria de la fébre amarilla del any 1870.

(El teatro representa un carrér de Ciutat. En el fondo un carrér gran qu’ atravessa de esquerra á dreta. En la acera de la dreta la botiga de l’amo ’n Pau, tancada com les demés, pero que després s’ha de obrir. A la de l’esquerra el botigó de Mestre Cinto, y éll y es cafetér asseguts defora, un adobant sebates veyes; l’altre fumant. Durant la escena s’ha de veure atravessar gent que sen va á fora y carros carregats ab trastos, y á vegadas la cadira de la Mare de Déu ó la llitera del hospital, acompañada d’un municipal.)

Acte únich.

Escena I

Cinto: Ignaci! De cada día va ab aument aquest rum-rum de carros ab matalassos y trastos de gent que fuitx de Ciutat.

Cinto: May he vistes tantes coses com veitx el día d’avuy. España, ben españada; sens’ un rey que fassa llum dins aquesta fosca negre que tants de partits han duyt.

Cinto: Per tot, peste, y fam y guerra. ¡Quin desgavell mes jafut! Ja no hi ha cap pany qui servi dins el sitgle de les llums.

Ignaci: Contan que per Françe volan baixos els tórds. Juga brut lo del Prusiá que los tira bombes y bales per l’us.

Cinto: Perque dihuen que dilluns ha de bombetjar Mallorca no sé si l’inglés, ó el rús, per posar rey en el trono.

Cinto: ¿Qui? ¿Jo? ¡Us! No crech res y tot ho crech. Saps axó que vé de lluny.

Cinto: Jo som emb tu. Perque en Pelut me contava que en coneix coranta vuyt de ferits.

Ignaci: ¿Saps que li deya na Geroni á n’en Pelut? Que anit n’han morts tres ó cuatre de Santa Creu á n’el Puitx.

Cinto: ¿No deyan que tot el barri l’havían dexat tan buyd? ¿Y que feyan dins les cases tant de foch y tant de fum?

Ignaci: Tots els veynats vos son fuyts. Y á lo que veitx ja no queda cap portal ubert.

Cinto: Si. Un. El de l’amo ’n Pau; y gracies que éll té s’hort que no es molt lluny, y encara que sa familia s’en va aná allá el día vuyt, éll vé cada día á vendre verdura, oli, pá, llegum…

Escena II

Pera-Antoni: Me diga Senyó Doctó vostè que es un metje entès, ¿Es s’icteródes?

Cinto: (Ap.) Escoltem com qui no li vá ni vé, que aquets son de qui fa fé y heu saben.

Nadal: Vostè fassa acordoná tota sospitosa casa. Demunt la garriga rasa envihi la gent á acampá.

Pera-Antoni: Jo encara fas més. Per poch que crega un bulto mal sá totduna el fas formicá, ó l’enterr, ó li pech foch. Si ’m donan part que qualqú té mal de cap ó gitera hey fas anar la llitera y á ca l’ardiaca el sen dú.

Nadal: Bé fá, vostè s’aguant fort; que si los deixa parlár ningú malalt voldrá estár encara que el vejan mort. Continuant son camí, descomparexan, p’ el carré gran.

Ignaci: Si té cames per fugí que fuge lluñy de Ciutat, si no es vol veure atacat y dins l’Hospital morí. (Pausa y tristó.)

Escena III

Arriba L’Amo ’n Pau ab una cenaya gran plena de verdura y durant l’escena obri caseua, treu el trast de la botiga ab cenayes y s’atura demunt el portal.

Cinto: D’aquest mal ó peste del Rey Herodes, nom que li donan enguañy, que diuen qu’ ara governa.

Ignaci: Mes tothom fuitx mentrestant. Jo no critich els que fujan. Jo pogués. Prou bé que fan.

Pau: Jo, si no fos perque tench casetes al Molinar tendría á Ciutat la dona, ma mare y tots els infants. Pero ¿qu’ hé de fer? Tots tenen gran por de caure malalts si son aquí.

Pau: En cuant a segurs, Ignaci, crech que hey ha mes sanitat aquí dins qu’ á fora porta; y els remeys mes á la má.

Pau: Si no hi há tal. Les malaltíes que reynan son les que reynan cada añy; gástrigues, pútrides, tifus, cortanes, cambres de sanch, lentes, tiricies, melenes, pulmoníes, costipats… y avuy perque á Barcelona la febre amarilla hey há les mateixes malaltíes febre groga s’han tornat.

Cinto: ¿Com es que la autoridat acordona y nombra metjes y aparella els hospitals, y la tropa y oficines á viles d’alluñy, s’en van?

Pau: ¡Cinto! No hey ha res per ara. Si en el Puitx hi ha hagut un cas, qu’ ha alarmat un ó dos metjes, ¿ja hem de dir que peste hey ha? ¿Saps tu de que es que hey ha peste dins Mallorca en general? De poruchs; homos que tenen riquesa y comoditat y estiman massa la vida per lo molt rebé que están. ¿Saps de que hey ha peste grossa? De fadrinots mal casats que es gastan dins la taverna ó en el joch tot lo jornal. Peste hey ha de poca feyna de deure y de no pagar. Peste de gent que no creu ni en Deu ni en l’Esperit Sant. Peste de dones dolentes. Peste de pillos y gats. Peste de lladres y pólisses que prosperan embrollant, y peste de poques grogas qu’ estiguen fora calaix. La peste es per tu y per mí qu’ hem de viure del trabay. Aquesta, Cinto, es la peste…

Pau: Cuant jo veitx tants de misteris la sanch me puja en el cap y heu faría á garrotades… Saps si jo tengués un llamp per criat un hora ó dues. Prest heu tendría arreglat. Sen entra á caseua.

Escena IV

Ignaci: Cinto. Massa que es sabrá. Jo ’t sé dir que na Geroni n’ha vist tres ben allargats y ben morts.

Cinto: Escolta, Ignaci, no sías tan desconfiat. Ell cada día s’en moren cinch ó sis. ¡Vaja un bon pas! Ningù pot tení en el día un poch de mal de caixal que ja no crega tot d’una que la pesta l’ha tocat. Si ara un se mor ja es de peste.

Cinto: Na Geroni par que sía per noltros l’Esperit Sant. Tira. No digas blayures.

Cinto: ¿Tots cuatre d’una familia? Si es axí ’m farás callar. Ja son figues d’altre sostre.

Ignaci: ¡Que m’has de vení á xarrar! Per mes que digas son coses que fan neixe feredat. ¿Has vist cuant passava el cotxo?

Escena V

Pau: Jo no li he dit cap mentida. Un ventre té de cinch pams, y sa pell plena de taques d’un color verdós y blau; y ¡quina cosa tan groga lo de dedins! Just safrá. May han vista dins Mallorca els mallorquíns cosa igual.

Pau: Ja veu que á mi me té compte gordarla de rebre mal. Torn prest que vull que la veja. Fassa ’m favó de torná.

Tófol: Tornaré d’aquí á mitx cuart. (En Pau s’en entra. S’en va D. Tofol.)_

Escena VI

Ignaci: Si. Na Geroni axí m’ho va assegurá, y heu sap d’un veynat que té que l’han fet municipal.

Cinto: Colcú que del Rey Herodes la peste ja l’ha tocat, gent de la seua. Ó sa mare ó sa dona ó el seu jermá, ó cualque atlot.

Ignaci: Y éll depressa mos treurem el gat del sach, perque ha dit que dins mitj’ hora ja la tendrá díns Ciutat.

Cinto: Es que cualsevol que sía per la Porta no entrará, perque hi ha órdre del Alcalde per no admetre cap malalt. (Passa el llit de la Mare de Deu.)

Ignaci: Cinto. Saps que fa d’estona que jo me sent mal de cap y un doló á suquí á l’esquena que no me deixa alená.

Ignaci: Dos que duan colca cosa dins un sach. (Arriban dos homos ab un carretó ab paya y adins un sach ben plé. El carretó s’atura devant la botiga de l’amo ’n Pau.)

Escena VII

Escena VIII

Ignaci: Bon etsá. Tots els beneits se moriren aquell añy que nevá tant. Vos duym la vostre estimada ¿Que vol dir?

Cinto: Vol dir ben clá Jau va t’ aquí la Madona que la peste l’hi ha tocat, y perque no l’aturassen de dins la Porta els gordians, per malalta de sa peste, l’han posada dins un sach.

Cinto: (ab ironía) No n’hi ha de peste deya éll are ben formal. Bones hosties de sola mos volía fer tragar.

Cinto: Torn prest li deya á n’el metje. (Els homos surtan y s’en tornen es carretó y en el cantó conversan ab Don Tofol.)

Cinto: Estiguem noltros alerta y á sa primera señyal ó sospita mes petita totduna donarem part. (Arriba el metje Don Tofol y s’en entra á ca l’amo ’n Pau.)

Ignaci: Qu’ ha d’haver peste Sant Homo! y al Molinar ja ha arribat. Si ‘t tornan dir “No hi ha peste” beut’ ho totduna, bergant, y creut’ ho tot com un ase, fet un badoch.

Ignaci: Prendrém un poch d’anissat; y de café colca tassa engolint d’entant en cuant… Es café es sa medicina mes contrari á n’aquest mal. (Beuen café.)

Ignaci: Amen. Y feina y pessetes, y á mí molts de parroquians. (Surten en Tofol y l’amo ’n Pau.)

Escena IX

Tófol: Cosa mes horrenda no l’havía vista may. Al punt tornaré ab un metje molt amich meu qu’ ha estodiat profundament la gran ciencia de l’Historia natural, y es molt entés en la cosa, y oireu que vos dirá.

Tófol: Heu de fér de paya un jas per posarlehy. D’aquest modo mes temps se conservará. No la malmaneu.

Pau: Don Tófol no tenga ansi. Que descans. ¿Qui mes interés que jo, perque molt puga durar?

Tófol: Al punt vench ab l’altre metje gran amich meu. L’amo ’n Pau a reveure.

Escena X

Ignaci: Com no hi ets ja. Aquesta peste se pot estendre al instant pe ’l carré y entrá á canostra.

Ignaci: Heu pagarán els xigarros y el café. D’entant entant en el foch posaré mistos veurem si s’esbravará.

Escena XI

Cinto: Vol escoltar Señyó Metje; Señyó Retgidó, s’arramb. Tench que darlos males noves de la peste.

Cinto: Es el cas que si p’ el cas fos la peste vull dir fos un cas que hi ha aqui aprop, febre d’Herodes trop que dirloshó es del cas, perque es ferne cas, es cosa que convé á tothom, com sap.

Cinto: Veu aquí, aquesta botiga que hi venen verdura y pá, hi han entrada una malalta amagada dins un sach.

Escena XII

Pere: ¿Que lograreu jurant fals? Mostraumos aquesta dona que p’ el vostro bé será. Aquest señó es un bon metje y aquesta peste es un mal que si l’atacan totduna es molt fácil de curá.

Pau: Si volen veure sa dona la tench en el Molinar, gracies á Deu bona y sana: que hi vajen y la veurán.

Cinto: Que no ‘l cregan. Que no ’l cregan, qu’ ara mateix ha arribat y ben malalta.

Escena XIII

Tófol: (admirat). ¿La madona qu’ era afora? ¿Que me diu? No fa un instant que hé sortit d’aquesta casa y estavan tots bons y sans.

Tófol: Y per cert que l’he cercat perque vés una gran cosa que m’ha mostrat l’amo ’n Pau.

Pau: Si voleu veure la malalta qu’ he mostrat á D. Tófol fa mitj’ hora tots endins poden entrar.

Tófol: (á Nadal.) Es un cas estraordinari per l’Historia natural, que ha nascut d’una llevó d’Ervissa que li vatx dá. Es una cucurbitácea que fa mes de cuatre pams.

Pau: (treguent una carabassa monstruo xapada per mitx.) Es aquesta carabassa que poden etsaminar per dedins y per defora, p’ es capoll y per dedalt, per devant y per derrera, per tots els cuatre costats.

Pau: Va t’ aquí la peste groga que jo duya dins el sach y han vist entrar dins cameua Mestre Cinto y son veynat.

Pau: Com vostés tenen carrera y ja no son estodiants no prendrán á mal que diga; si ’n volen, la tastarán.

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